Nah opehe door for Anne Nelson as she went out.
"Good-bye, Noah," she said quietly.
He nodded without speaking. There wasnt anything else to say; they both khat. She turned from him a, closing the door behind her. Noah watched her walk to her car, get in, and drive away without looking back. She was a strong womahought to himself, and he knew where Allie got it from.
Noah peeked in the living room, saw Allie sitting with her head down, theo the back porch, knowing that she o be alone. He sat quietly in his rocker and watched the water drifting by as the minutes passed.
After what seemed like ay he heard the back door open. He didnt turn to look at her just then - for some reason he couldnt - and he listened as she sat in the chair beside him.
"Im sorry," Allie said. "I had no idea this would happen."
Noah shook his head. "Dont be sorry. We both k was ing in some form or another."
"Its still hard."
"I know." He finally turo her, reag for her hand. "Is there anything I do to make it easier?"
She shook her head. "No. Not really. I have to do this alone. Besides, Im not sure what Im going to say to him yet."
She looked down and her voice became softer and a little more distant, as if she were talking to herself. "I guess it depends on him and how much he knows. If my mother was right, he may have suspis, but he doesnt know anything for sure."
Noah felt a tightness in his stomach. When he finally spoke his voice was steady, but she could hear the pain in it.
"Youre not going to tell him about us, are you?"
"I dont know. I really dont. While I was in the living room, I kept asking myself what I really wanted in my life." She squeezed his hand. "And do you know what the answer was? The answer was that I wawo things. First, I want you. I want us. I love you and I always have."
She took a deep breath befoing on.
"But I also want a happy ending without hurting anyone. And I know that if I stayed, people would be hurt. Especially Lon. I wasnt lying when I told you that I love him. He doesnt make me feel the same way you do, but I care for him, and this wouldnt be fair to him. But staying here would also hurt my family and friends. I would be betraying everyone I know. I dont know if I do that."
"You t live your life for other people. Youve got to do whats right for you, even if it hurts some people you love."
"I know," she said, "but no matter what I choose I have to live with it. Forever. I have to be able to go forward and not look baymore. you uand that?"
He shook his head and tried to keep his voice steady. "Not really. Not if it means losing you. I t do that again."
She didnt say anything but lowered her head. Noah went on: "Could you really leave me without looking back?"
She bit her lip as she answered. Her voice was beginning to crack. "I dont know. Probably not."
"Would that be fair to Lon?"
She didnt answer right away. Instead she stood, wiped her face, and walked to the edge of the porch where she leaned against the post. She crossed her arms and watched the water before answering quietly. "No."
"It doesnt have to be like this, Allie," he said. "Were adults now, we have the choice we didnt have before. Were meant to be together. We always have been."
He walked to her side and put his hand on her shoulder. "I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about you and dreaming of what mig