Shortly after breakfast I leave my apartment, carrying two vas bags. Each bag tains three pairs of shoes that I have personally tested; the bag in my left hand also holds six evaluatios, each between two and two-and-a-half pages long. The summer m is warm and almost excessively bright. The swallows fly straight up the walls of the apartment houses and theher turn sideways over the roofs or soar on into the blue. Id like to stay right there and at least watch them, if I t imitate them. But I have an appoi. Im supposed to meet Habedank at ten. At Ebert Platz I take the number 7 train to Hollenstein, where the Weisshuhn Shoe Factory is located, not far from the station. Ill meet Habedank in the managers offid give him the shoes along with the reports. Well chat for about three quarters of an hour—first twenty minutes about the test shoes, and the rest of the time about electric trains. Then Habedank will hahree or four pairs of new shoes, and Ill go home. Ive known this routine for years, but I still get a little nervous every time. It goes bay particular ceit, which I sense a little more acutely during these expeditions than usual, when Im just at home. I ied this ceit from my mother. We both believe that its not worth looking at the world for aire lifetime. I used tle against the effects of this ceit, but not anymore. Naturally I have to make a special effort when Im with Habedank. He shouldnt notice my ceit at all. He thinks that Im aric train hobbyist just like he is, that to this day I read the same teical magazihat he does, primarily about early Trix and Fleisn products. He doesnt realize that Im just drawing on the same store of knowledge frozen from my childhood days, and all just for him, time after time. Its also possible that Habedank will tell me one of his tedious stories, which I listen to with perfunctory sympathy. Three weeks ago he took nearly ten mio tell me about the end of his vacation. On the whole trip from Italy to Germahought he was about to run out of gas. But then he made it bae without i. That was/is his eory. I sat still in front of his desk for ten minutes and laughed with delight when he reached the end and exclaimed: It turned out there was enough gas! Imagihere was enough gas! My ceit entails a nearly tinuous collision of humility and disgust. The two forces are of nearly equal strength. On one hand, I sense my humility admonishing: Its precisely the most idiotic stories of your fellow man that you should listen to! At the same time, however, my disgust taunts me: If you dont escape right away, youll drown in the vapors of your fellow man. Whats infuriating is that this stant colliding never allows either side to win. So the two forces just go on running the same collision course over and over. And those are my feelings as I find myself approag Habedanks office. I tell myself that Im prepared for anything and right away I have to laugh at myself. Habedank and Oppau, one of the firms buyers, succeeded in making the office a no-smoking zohats why Frau Fischedick, another buyer who still smokes, paces up and down outside the office, smoking and grinning. She holds up her arms and waves at me. I observe that Frau Fischedick wants to be in the office when I speak with Habedank. She puts out her cigarette and goes in shortly after I do.
Habedank is sitting at his long black desk; when he sees me he stands up.
Ah there he is! Our master tester! he calls out.
My ceit triggers a hint of a smile.