Ill tell you what really got me, though. The only proof that Martin had ever had anything to do with dy was us turning up in her house. Us and his kids, anyway, but they would only be proof if you took them for a D and that. Anyway, what I mean is, as far as dy was ed, he might as well have never existed. Theyd all moved on. dy had a whole new life now. On the way down, Id been thinking about how Id moved on, but all Id done was gone orain ride and one bus journey without asking Maureen about sexual positions. After Id seen dy, that didnt seem like such a long journey. dy had got rid of Martin, moved a someone else. Her past was in the past, but our past, I dont know… Our past was still all over the place. We could see it every day when we woke up. It was like dy lived in a modern place like Tokyo and we lived in an old place like Rome or somewhere. Except it couldnt be exactly like that, because Rome is probably a cool place to live, what with the clothes and the ice cream and the lush boys and that - just as cool as Tokyo. And where we lived wasnt cool. So maybe it was more like, she lived in a moderhouse, and we lived in some old shithole that should have been pulled down years ago. We lived in a place where there were holes in the walls, and anyone could stick their head through them if they wao, and make faces at us. And Maureen and I had been trying to persuade dy to move out of her cool penthouse and move into our dump with us. It wasnt much of an offer, I could see that now.
As we were leaving, dy was like, Id have more respect for him if he asked me himself. And I went, Ask you what? And she said, If I help him, I will. But I dont know what he wants help with.
And when she said that, I could see wed dohe afternoon all wrong, and there was a much better way.
JJThe only trouble was, the Ameri self-help guy didnt have the first fug idea of how to help himself. And to be ho with you, the more I thought about the y-day theory, the less I could see how it applied to me. As far as I could tell, I was fucked for a lot lohan y days. I was giving up being a musi for ever, man, and giving up music wasnt going to be like giving up cigarettes. It was going to get worse and worse, harder and harder, every day I went without. My first day w at Burger King wouldnt be so bad, because Id tell myself, you know… Actually, I dont know what the fuck Id tell myself, but Id think of something. But by the fifth day Id be miserable, and by the thirtieth year… Man. Dont try talking to me on my thirtieth anniversary of burger-flipping.
Ill be real grouchy that day. And Ill be sixty-one years old.
And then, when this stuff had gone around and around in my head for a while, Id kind of stand up, mentally speaking, and say, OK, fuck it, Im going to kill myself. And then Id remember the guy we saw do exactly that, and Id sit down again feeling truly terrible, worse than when Id stood up in the first place. Self-help was a crock of shit. I couldnt help myself to a free drink.
The ime we met up, Jess told us all that she and Maureen had goo see dy out in the tryside.
My ex-wife was called dy, said Martin. He was sipping a latte and reading the Telegraph, and not really listening to anything Jess had to say.
Yeah, thats a ce, said Jess.
Martin tio sip his coffee.
Der, said Jess.
Martin put the Telegraph down and looked at her.
What? It was your dy, you doughnut.
Martin looked at he