Heres the thing about Maureen: she had a lot muts than I had.
Shed stuck around to find out what it would feel like, o live the life she had planned for herself. I didnt know what those plans were, but she had them, same as everybody, and when Matty came along, shed waited around for twenty years to see what shed be offered as a replat, and she was offered nothing at all. There was a lot of feeling in that slap, and I could imagiting someone pretty hard when I was her age, too. That was one of the reasons I didnt intend ever to be her age.
MAUREEN
Frank is Mattys father. Its funny to think that might not be immediately obvious to someone, because its so obvious to me. I only ever had intercourse with one man, and I only had intercourse with that one man once, and the oime in my entire life I had intercourse produced Matty.
What are the ces, eh? One in a million? One in ten million? I dont know. But of course even one in ten million means that there are a lot of women like me in the world. Thats not what you think of, when you think of one in ten million. You dont think, Thats a lot of people.
What Ive e to realize, over the years, is that were less protected from bad luck than you could possibly imagine. Because though it doesnt seem fair, having intercourse only the ond ending up with a child who t walk or talk or even reize me… Well, fairness doesnt really have much to do with it, does it? You only have to have intercourse the oo produce a child, any child. There are no laws that say, You only have a child like Matty if youre married, or if you have lots of other children, or if you sleep with lots of differehere are no laws like that, even though you and I might think there should be. And once you have a child like Matty, you t help but feel, Thats it! Thats all my bad luck, a whole lifetimes worth, in one bundle. But Im not sure luck works like that. Matty wouldnt stop me from getting breast cer, or from being mugged. Youd think he should, but he t. In a way, Im glad I never had another child, a normal one. Id have needed muarantees from God than He could have provided.
And anyway, Im Catholic, so I dont believe in luck as much as I believe in punishment. Were good at believing in punishment; were the best in the world. I sinned against the Church, and the price you pay for that is Matty. It might seem like a high price to pay, but then, these sins are supposed to mean something, arent they? So in one way its hardly surprising that this is what I got. For a long time I was even grateful, because it felt to me as though I were going to be able to redeem myself here oh, and thered be no reing to be made afterwards. But now Im not so sure. If the price you have to pay for a sin is so high that you end up wanting to kill yourself and itting an even worse sin, then Someones done his sums wrong. Someones overcharging.
I had never hit anyone before, not in the whole of my life, although Id often wao. But that night was different. I was in limbo, somewhere between living and dying, and it felt as if it didnt matter what I did until I went back to the top of Toppers House again. And that was the first time I realized that I was on a sort of holiday from myself. It made me want to slap him again, just because I could, but I didnt. The once was enough: Chas fell over - more from the shock, I think, than from the force, because Im not s - and the on all fours c his head with his hands.
Im