e back here, I said.
I dont give a fuck, you know, she said. I jump, or we look for Chas. Same thing, to me.
And thats the whole thing, right there, because we believed her. Maybe other people on hts wouldnt have but the three of us, that night, we had no doubts. It wasnt that we thought she was really suicidal, either; it was just that it felt like she might do whatever she wao do, at any given moment, and if she wao jump off a building to see what it felt like, thery it. And once youd worked that out, then it was just a question of how much you cared.
But you dont need our help, I said. We dont know how to start looking for Chas. Youre the only one who find him.
Yeah, but I get weird on my own. fused. Thats sort of how I ended up here.
What do you think? said Martin to the rest of us.
Im not going anywhere, said Maureen. Im not leaving the roof, and I wont ge my mind.
Fine. We wouldnt ask you to.
Because theyll e looking for me.
Who will? The people in the respite home.
So what? said Jess. What are they going to do if they t find you? Theyll put Matty somewhere terrible.
This is the Matty whos a vegetable? Does he give a shit where he goes? Maureen looked at Martin helplessly.
Is it the money? said Martin. Is that why you have to be dead by the m? Jess snorted, but I could see why he had asked the question.
I only paid for one night, said Maureen.
Have you got the money for more than one night? Yes, of course. The suggestion that she might not seemed to make her a little pissed. Pissed off. Whatever.
So phohem up ahem hell be staying two.
Maureen looked at him helplessly again. Why? Because, said Jess. Anyway, theres fuck all to do up here, is there? Martin laughed, kind of.
Well, is there? said Jess.
Nothing I think of, said Martin. Apart from the obvious.
Oh, that, said Jess. Fet it. The moments gone. I tell. So weve got to find something else to do.
So even if youre right, and the moment has passed, I said, why do we have to do anything together? Why dont we go home and watch TV? Cos I get weird on my own. I told you.
Why should we care? We didnt know you half an ho. I dont give much of a fuck about how weird you get on your own.
So you dont feel like a bond kind of thing because of what weve been through.
Nope.
You will. I see us still being friends when were all old. There was a silehis was clearly not a vision shared by all.
MAUREEN I didnt like it that they were making me sound tight. It wasnt anything to do with money. I needed one night so I paid for one night. And then someone else would have to pay, but I wouldnt be around to know.
They didnt uand, I could tell. I mean, they could uand that I was unhappy. But they couldnt uand the logic of it. The way they looked at it was this: if I died, Matty would be put in a home somewhere.
So why didnt I just put him in a home and not die? What would the difference be? But that just goes to show that they didnt uand me, or Matty, or Father Anthony, or a the churo one I know thinks that way.
These people, though, Martin and JJ and Jess, theyre different from anyone I know. Theyre more like the people on television, the people iEnders and the other programmes where people know what to say straightaway. Im not saying theyre bad. Im saying theyre different. They wouldnt worry so much about Matty if he was their