If you were rugby-tackled in the middle of the night just as you were about to hurl yourself off the top of a tower-block, you probably wouldhinking about breakfast televisioers.
(This would e as a shock to breakfast televisioers, of course, most of whom firmly believe that people think about nothing else but breakfast, lund dinner.) I was mature enough to rise above Jesss taunts, even though I felt like breaking her arms.
If we let go, are you going to behave? Yes.
So Maureen stood up, and with wearying predictability Jess scrambled for the ladder, and I had t her crashing down again.
Now what? said Maureen, as if I were a veteran of tless similar situations, and would therefore know the ropes.
I dont bloody know.
Why it didnt occur to any of us that a well-known suicide spot would be like Piccadilly Circus on New Years Eve. I have no idea, but at that point in the proceedings I had accepted the reality of our situation: we were in the process of turning a solemn and private moment into a farce with a cast of thousands.
And at that precise moment of acceptance, we three became four. There olite cough, and wheurned round to look, we saw a tall, good-looking, long-haired man, maybe ten years youhan me, holding a crash helmet under one arm and one of those big insulated bags iher.
Any of you guys order a pizza? he said.
MAUREEN I d never met an Ameri before, I dont think. I wasnt at all sure he was oher, until the others said something. You dont expect Ameris to be delivering pizzas, do you? Well, I dont, but perhaps Im just out of touch. I dont order pizzas very often, but every time I have, theyve been delivered by someone who doesnt speak English. Ameris dont deliver things, do they? Or serve you in shops, or take your money on the bus. I suppose they must do in America, but they dont here. Indians a Indians, lots of Australians in the hospital where they see Matty, but no Ameris. So we probably thought he was a bit mad at first. That was the only explanation for him. He looked a bit mad, with that hair. Ahought that wed ordered pizzas while we were standing on the roof of Toppers House.
How would we have ordered pizzas? Jess asked him. We were still sitting on her, so her voice sounded funny.
On a cell, he said.
Whats a cell? Jess asked.
OK, a mobile, whatever.
Fair play to him, we could have dohat.
Are you Ameri? Jess asked him.
Yeah.
What are you doing delivering pizzas? What are you guys doing sitting on her head? Theyre sitting on my head because this isnt a free try, Jess said.
You t do what you want to.
What did you wanna do? She didnt say anything.
She was going to jump, Martin said.
So were you! He ignored her.
You were all gonna jump? the pizza man asked us.
We didnt say anything.
The f—? he said.
The f—? said Jess. The f— what? Its an Ameri abbreviation, said Martin. "The f—?" means "What the f—?" In America, theyre so busy that they dont have time to say the "what".
Would you watch your language, please? I said to them. We werent all brought up in a pigsty.
The pizza man just sat down on the roof and shook his head. I thought he was feeling sorry for us, but later he told us it wasnt that at all.
OK, he said after a while. Let her go.
We didnt move.
Hey, you. You f— listening to me? Am I gonna have to e over and make you listeood up and w