I tucked her letter into my book ao look for Speck. Panic overwhelmed logid I ran out onto the library lawn, hoping that she had left only moments before. The QOW had ged over to a cold rain, obliterating any tracks she might have made. Not a single soul could be seen. No one answered when I called her name, and the streets were curiously empty, as church bells began t out another Sunday. I was a fool to ve into town in the middle of the m. Following the labyrinth of sidewalks, I had no idea which way to go. A car eased around a er and slowed as the driver spotted me walking in the rain. She braked, rolled down the window, and called out, "Do you need a ride? Youll catch your death of cold."
I remembered to make my voiderstandable—a siroke of fortune on that miserable day. "No, thank you, maam. Im going home."
"Dont call me maam," she said. She had a blonde ponytail like the woman who lived in the house we had robbed months before, and she wore a crooked smile. "Its a nasty m to be out, and you have no hat loves."
"I live around the er, thank you."
"Do I know you?"
I shook my head, and she started to roll up her window.
"You havent seen a little girl out here, have you?" I called out.
"In this rain?"
"My twin sister," I lied. "Im out looking for her. Shes about my size."
"No. I havent seen a soul." She eyed me closely. "Where do you live? What is your name?"
I hesitated and thought it best to end the matter. "My name is Billy Speck."
"Youd better go home, son. Shell turn up."
The car turhe er and motored off. Frustrated, I walked toward the river, away from all the fusing streets and the ce of another human enter. The rain fell in a steady drizzle, not quite cold enough to ge ain, and I was soaked and chilled. The clouds obliterated the sun, making it difficult to orient myself, so I used the river as my pass, following its course throughout the pale day and into the slowly emerging darkness. Frantic to find her, I did not stop until late that night. Under a stand of evergreens crowded with winter sparrows and jays, I rested, waiting for a break in the weather.
Away from the town, all I could hear was the river lapping against the stony shores. As soon as I stopped searg, the questions I had kept at bay began to assault my mind. Unanswerable doubts that would torment me in quiet moments for the few years. Why had she left us? Why would Speck leave me? She would not have taken the risk that Kivi and Blomma had. She had chosen to be alohough Speck had told me my real name, I had no idea of hers. How could I ever find her? Should I have kept quiet, or told all and given her a reason to stay? A sharp pain swelled behind my eyes, ping my throbbing skull. If only to stop obsessing, I rose and tio stumble through the wet darkness, finding nothing.
Cold, tired, and hungry, I reached the bend in the river in two days walk. Speck had been the only other person from the who had e this far, and she had somehow forded the water to the other side. Sapphire blue, the water ran quickly, breaking over hidden rocks and snags, whitecaps flashing. If she was oher side, Speck had crossed by dint of ce. On the distant shore, a vision appeared from my deep mad memories—a man, woman, and child, the fleet escape of a white deer, a woman in a red coat. "Speck," I railed across the waters, but she was nowhere. Past this point of land, the whole world unfolded, toe and unknow