HE SAID I WAS BEIN hard on myself Said it was a sign of old age. Tryin to set things right. I guess theres some truth to that. But it aint the whole truth. I agreed with him that there wasnt a whole lot good you could say about old age and he said he knew ohing and I said what is that. And he said it dont last long. I waited for him to smile but he didnt. I said well, thats pretty cold. And he said it was no colder than what the facts called for. So that was all there was about that. I knew what hed say anyways, bless his heart. You care about people you try and lighten their load for em. Eves self- ordaihe other thing that was on my mind I never even got around to but I believe it to be related because I believe that whatever you do in your life it will get back to you.
If you live long enough it will. And I think of no reason in the world for that no- good to of killed that girl. What did she ever do to him? The truth is I never should of gone up there in the first plaow they got that Mexi up here in Huntsville for killin that state trooper that he shot him a his car afire and him in it and I dont believe he do. But thats what hes goin to get the death penalty for. So what is my obligation there? I think I have sort of waited for all of this to go away somehow or another and of course it aint. I think I khat when it started. It had that feel to it.
Like I was fixin to get drug into somethihe road back was goin to be a pretty long one.
When he asked me why this e up now after so many years I said that it had always been there. That I had just ig for the most part. But hes right, it did e up. I think sometimes people would rather have a bad answer about things than no a all. When I told it, well it took a shape I would not have guessed it to have and in that way he was right too. It was like a ballplayer told me oime he said that if he had some slight injury and it bothered him a little bit, him, he generally played better. It kept his mind focused ohing instead of a hundred. I uand that.
Not that it ges anything.
I thought if I lived my life irictest way I knew how then I would not ever again have a thing that would eat ohataway. I said that I was twenty-one years old and I was entitled to one mistake, particularly if I could learn from it and bee the sort of man I had it in my mind to be. Well, I was wrong about all of that. Now I aim to quit and a good part of it is just knowin that I wont be called on to hunt this man. I re hes a man. So you could say to me that I aint ged a bit and I dont know that I would even have a argument about that. Thirty-six years. Thats a painful thing to know.
Oher thing he said. Youd think a man that had waited eighty some odd years on God to e into his life, well, youd think hed e. If he didnt youd still have to figure that he knew what he was doin. I dont know what other description of God you could have. So what you end up with is that those he has spoke to are the ohat must of the worst. Thats not a easy thing to accept. Particularly as it might apply to someone like Loretta. But then maybe we are all of us lookin through the wrong end of the glass. Always have been.
Aunt Carolyers to Harold. The reason she had them letters was that he had saved em. She was the one raised him and she was the same as his mother. Them letters was dogeared and tore and covered with mud and I dont know what all. The thing about them letter